This year I wrestled with God more than any other time in my life.  It wasn’t a “ Do I believe” wrestling, but a “What is it you want for me?” kind of wrestling.  

In great fear and distress…..Jacob prayed…Lord you said “Go back to your country and I will make you prosper”. Genesis 32:7-9

Often times our wrestling comes from a place of fear.  Genesis 32:22-32 tells of Jacob’s wrestling with God. Jacob heard God tell him to go back.  He was between a rock and a hard place.  He wasn’t treated fairly by his father-in-law, and after twenty years he was ready to leave. 

There was a big problem.  When he left home, he was running for his life.  He had tricked his older brother Esau out of his birthright.  Even though twenty years had passed, Jacob didn’t know how his brother would react to his return.  Reconciliation isn’t easy, and he was scared.

We have all had times when what God wants for us doesn’t seem to line up with our plans. These times can scare us right out of his purpose for us.  Whatever the case may be, we wrestle with God.   We throw out all the what ifs, and plead our case of excuses. Are you sure God?  Is this your will or my desire?  How do I know if this is what you want?

I always want to trust God, and want what He wants for me. However; in my wrestling I didn’t want to go.  I liked where I was, and my plan didn’t include starting over somewhere else. What if this was a mistake?

I was comfortable, and I had my people and my place. I was in my sweet spot, so how could this be?  Why would God ask me to leave it all behind?  How could things possibly be better somewhere else, when things were great right here?

It’s ok to wrestle.  God’s big enough to handle it. Just like doubting Thomas, who couldn’t believe what the other disciples said, but had to see it himself. (John 20:24-29)  When we ask questions, God is faithful to provide the answers we need. 

In Jacob’s wrestling he did all he could to prepare, but had to leave the outcome in God’s hands. He didn’t let go of God until God blessed him.

Our wrestling will require us to trust Him, even if that means taking baby steps. We probably won’t be given all the answers up front, but if God is doing the asking He will make His desires known. God is faithful, and His plans are always better than ours.